Monday, January 24th, 2005
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8:31 pm - And for my next trick....
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6:41 pm
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5:27 am - Since I'm awake, another reminder...
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Two monks are cleaning their bowls in the river. One monk sees a scorpion that has fallen into the river and is drowning. One monk reaches in and lifts the scorpion to dry ground, getting stung in the process.
The scorpion again falls into the river, and the monk again reaches into the river and pulls the scorpion to safety, being stung in the process. The other monk looks to the first and asks, "It is its nature to sting you. Why do you continue to save the scorpion?"
"It is my nature to do so." The monk replies.
....
QUESTION: Can one change one's own nature? Or, at least be selective in how it is applied, and to whom?
current mood:  cynical
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(18 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
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5:33 pm - Brilliant! Yesterday Was Just... Brilliant! (especially last night!)
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Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
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6:35 pm - Something you all should know about me...
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In case you haven't noticed, I've been a bit of a basket case lately... Well, moreso than usual.
I've been acting decidedly out of character though, and for that I'd like to apologize.
I've been having an issue lately with being lied to...
I can't stand being lied to.
Especially by someone I care about.
Someone I want to trust.
Someone I have a NEED to believe.
I find myself actually trying desperately to believe the things I'm told because I want so badly to know them as truths. I try so hard to put aside my doubts and mistrust and ignore a track record of deceit... Only to be lied to again.
And after trying that hard to believe... Even disbelieving what I see with my own eyes, hear with my own ears, feel in my gut... After all THAT I learn that I am nothing more than a fool for even listening in the first place... And I just lose the capacity to behave rationally.
Everyone, it seems, has that 'button'... That something that can't be tolerated... That when faced with it, they can't help but be overcome with anger... For me that 'button' is being lied to.
And when I find that I've been lied to, I have an uncontrollable urge to confront the liar... Immediately. I can't wait, or I seeth. And I tend to make an ass of myself in the process.
If I have in any way been out of line with anyone...
Please try to understand that I don't know how to cope with this and I'm sure it shows.
I'm very very sorry.
current mood:  contemplative
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(comment on this)
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Friday, January 21st, 2005
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6:36 pm - Awww Hell Yeah!!
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The boy is at my parents house for the weekend and I am in a fucking fantastic mood!!!
Look out...
Because, accompanied or not, I'm prowling tonight!
I'm going to hit underground for a few... And then I'll prolly finish off the night at Masquerade...
That's the tentative plan... But I'm just getting the hell out... Whatever happens . Happens.
Warning:
DO NOT SPOIL MY MOOD!!
current mood:  frikkin' great!
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Thursday, January 20th, 2005
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8:57 pm - I was reminded... and so I remind myself... Again.
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Wednesday, January 19th, 2005
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11:16 pm
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8:23 pm - Aloha maybe after all...
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Had another outstanding day at work today... I really like it there. Shame it ends in mid-March. But, jeez, I worked my arse off today. I really like it when I get to be productive... That feeling of accomplishment. Yay rah.
Every now and then my boss would hear me from across the room saying something like "Boom badaBOOM!" or the like... And she'd just laugh, "Got another one, huh?" She wasn't laughing when I told her one of them was in Nowheresville Idaho... We weren't even sure we could do it... But I sold them nonetheless. Turns out we could. Woo! More commission for me!
So... While attempting to impress my boss by my willingness to pass up a trip to Hawaii in order to be available for the load-in for the show in NY... She looked at me like I was insane and responded "ARE YOU CRAZY?!?! Go to Hawaii! I can handle this!!"
Ummm... yeah. So THAT decision just got a bit more complicated. Heh.
*sigh*
What to do... What to do...
dontcha just HATE it for me that I have THIS particular dilema??
current mood:  mischievous
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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3:55 am - I have no tattoos...
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That's going to change soon.
Heard back from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) markrificus today...
I really miss that sexy black man!!
Anyway, I'm hoping that he will honor me by allowing me to permanently emblazon his art upon my flesh. He did a mock up of a design I wanted over a year ago... And I still want it... So.. ummm... yeah. Putting that aforementioned bonus check to further good use... I'm gonna get some ink injected very soon, I think!
Hmmm... Wish I could get the artist that did Cassy to do it... But I don't see that as a feasible option since he's in PA (i think). But damn he does good work!
ummmm.... it's 4 AM... why am I awake?
current mood:  anxious
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(11 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, January 18th, 2005
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7:52 pm - What a great day!!
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*bouncy*bouncy*bouncy*
Had a very productive day at work today... Several pending orders... Got informed I will be getting my BONUS for ArtMiami this week!! WOO!
Guess who's going SHOPPING this weekend!!?
Retail Therapy!!
Definitely joining the gym too!
Sabotage will be at my parents' for the weekend... Aw yeah!
We'll see what else happens.
....
Got my hair dyed last night. k came over to help with that... And in the process of telling me about her business trip to Hawaii, invited me to meet her there for the last four days she'll be there (the business portion of the program will be over by then)... Hawaii?!?! That's almost too good to pass up... Unfortunately the dates coincide with a serious crunch time at work for ArtExpo in New York (which I might also be able to go to)... So if I DON'T go to Hawaii, I might still get to go to New York for 10 days on the company dime (not terribly likely though).
>>>>
Got a wake-up call at around 4 AM... One I didn't mind at all. Someone I've been wanting pretty badly to talk to... Well... Wanted to talk! How convenient... Even for that hour. I was pleased... Tired. But pleased!
====
Talked to dystroyreality for a bit the past couple days too. Really nice to be getting along with her again. Supposed to be getting together one night this week... NOT to talk about shit! Thank Gods! *smirk* I really miss spending time with her... Girlfriend or not, she's enjoyable company... And a lot of fun.
++++
And for ONCE in what seems like an eternity, I'M IN A DAMN GOOD MOOD!!
current mood:  bouncy
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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1:37 am - Oh my frikkin' Gods!! ALOHA!!
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Monday, January 17th, 2005
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10:38 am - yo ho ho and a whole lotta rum
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I don't remember leaving...
I don't remember coming home...
I don't remember how I managed to find my bed...
... and I have NO IDEA how I managed to get up for work this morning ...
... especially considering I forgot to set my alarm.
Sure hope I didn't make too much of a horses-ass of myself.
I DO remember being a little disappointed that a certain someone opted not to join us.
[edit]
I also seem to have some recollection of planning a trip to NOLA for weekend after next... I think. (?)
current mood:  owie
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, January 16th, 2005
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11:29 am - Well waddaya know!! Could it be that I CAN have a life?!?!
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From Sabotage's Grandmother (the Evil One's mother):
if you ever need me to play with precious for you so that you can go out or schedule something, don't hesitate to ask. thought that was already a given, but i never expressly told you, so i guess you didn't want to assume. i will try to arrange transport as well if possible if needed.
....
And my parents are scheduling in advance for approximately every third weekend... Beginning with the upcoming weekend. As well as making themselves available for some impromptu occasions. Like today he'll be going over there and spending the night tonight...
....
Grandma is taking him the weekend of the 29th and 30th.
....
Two weekends off in a row??!?!
Being able to actually go out on a regular basis and do stuff I want to?!?!
It must be a sign of the apocalypse!!
current mood: ecstatic
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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10:16 am - In honor of LJ being down ... My first post just has to be a Meme. ;)
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1.Pick a dozen movies.
2.Pick a line of dialogue from each.
3.As people guess the film (one guess per customer), strike out that entry.
4.If possible, after the film is guessed, explain why that movie made the list.
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1. Not the artful postures of love, not playful and poetical games of love for the amusement of an evening, but love that... over-throws life. Unbiddable, ungovernable - like a riot in the heart, and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture. Shakespeare In Love -- st_sardonicist
2. HI! Feeling a little inadequate?
3. And what would you say if I told you I was the Anti-Christ?
4. Problems with a significant other? ... Yeah. ... What kind of problems? ... I'm not very significant. Stigmata -- iconnu
5. I would want to die, but the anguish and the want of death would fade like the stars at dawn, and things would be much as they are now. True Romance -- rubberdux
6. If you wanted to mess me up, you should have got to me sooner! High Fidelity -- st_sardonicist
7. What about our relationship? ... Fuck that! ... You SHITHEAD! I'm glad I tortured you! Repo Man -- rubberdux
8. That is the sound of ultimate suffering. Princess Bride -- st_sardonicist
9. Let me tell you something, my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane. Shawshank Redemption -- cor256
10. I found you in hell... You don't think I could find you in Jersey? What Dreams May Come -- rubberdux
11. I believe it was Socrates who said... I drank what? Real Genius -- st_sardonicist
12. It's a trick. Get an axe. Army of Darkness -- st_sardonicist
BONUS: "Look at me in my eyeball..."
current mood: complacent
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(24 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, January 13th, 2005
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6:28 pm - Paging markrificus... Paging markrificus!
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markrificus!!!
Please pick up the bat-phone!
... or email me - sleepisoverrated (at) hotmail.com ...
I really REALLY REALLY want to get that artwork done we had talked about!!
...
if anyone knows how to reach my sexy black boyfriend... please relay this message to him
current mood: anxious
current music: pink elephants on parade
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, January 12th, 2005
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10:02 pm - Catching up ... And finding common ground...
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This is going to be a long one... My internet connection has been all wonky lately... And I have VoIP so that also means my phone has been off and on for days...
Sunday morning was a harrowing experience, as indicated by my previous post.
The phone was dead most of the day, but while still in a weird emotional state, it came on just long enough for me to check my voicemail... And sure enough, there was a message from dystroyreality... How does she always know?!?! ... "I heard a song that made me think of you and I just wanted to talk to you..." Then, of course, the phone went dead... And the couple of times it came back up, I wasn't able to reach her... I hate being out of touch like that (not just with her)... Drives me starkers!
Monday was alittlegreif's first day at his new school. He was very excited on the way there, but became very shy upon arriving. I stayed with him for a little while until he said I could go.. He seemed to have a good day and had made a painting for me, as well as declared his intention to make one for Ruby... That one was made today but will be on display in his classroom for a while before I can bring it home to give to her.
After another battle with my dead internet conncection/phone... I spent the night Monday with Keli. If you don't know who I'm talking about, I'm not going into it in this post... Suffice it to say she had a major influence on my life and I was realizing for the millionth time just how much. It was good. And VERY good for me. I actually slept for a few hours (and I do mean three) but woke up so refreshed and feeling more like myself than I have in a while.... What and how it happened is a matter for a more private post.
I also spent a great deal of time Monday evening chatting with my loverly poisongirl over AIM... She's so good at making me see things for what they are instead of what I want/think/fear them to be. I miss her being a part of my daily life... But I'm so glad she's found all the happiness she has now. Thanks Love!
Last night, dystroyreality and I had made plans to get together. Then HER phone went out and I was kind of left wondering... Until she just showed up on my doorstep... I was VERY (pleasantly) surprised. I had resigned myself to doing laundry and puttering around the house... How difficult is it to have a serious conversation while wearing halloween pumpkin pajama pants and purple fuzzy monster feet slippers, you ask? Well it ain't exactly easy!! As she said: It's not like she hasn't seen me that way before. ;)
Anyway, I think we came to something of an understanding... She convinced me that certain things I was assuming about her life lately were untrue or at least not entirely, and we're once again on good terms.. Seeing how it goes under a new and different set of parameters. But one small gesture of consideration on her part definitely didn't go unnoticed. Nothing major, really... She just didn't wear something she knew I perceived in a way she had said it wasn't intended. I thanked her for it and whether she realized it or not, that really meant a lot to me and carried some weight in how the night progressed. I'm glad we found some common ground and know where each other stands... I think I'm going to like things being the way we decided. We shall see.
So... After she left, k came over ... (I had, fortunately, changed out of the pumpkin pants and monster feet by this time) ... We talked for quite some time until I was ready to pass out. And for the first time in ... what? ... weeks? ... I slept like a stone... Okay... ONE nightmare... but that's GOOD considering!
This morning, the boy was being difficult. *sigh* By the time I got him dressed, to school, and he finally stopped clinging to me, I was a tad bit late for work.
My boss had been at the art show in Miami all last week, and I literally had next to nothing to do today... So with her permission, I made an optometrist's appointment and left around lunchtime for the day.
Had about an hour or so to kill before my appointment so I dropped by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) the_alley_cat and surprised The Kitty. Had a nice lunch and good conversation... She's going to help me pick out frames for my new *gasp* glasses in the near future (today was just the exam and replacement of the contacts I had lost Sunday morning). And I got suckered into buying her a brownie with ice cream from the place next door just before leaving... hehe... An act of sweetness I fear will not receive the agreed upon reciprocity when it was supposed to. And if not, I might just have to charge interest and late penalties! ;-p
Got my contacts. Stopped in and said hi to krucifixiation. Picked up the rugrat. Came home. Met the cable guy. Fed, bathed and bedded the kid down for the night. Talked to my Mommie on the phone. Burned the layout templates for the IP site onto CD for retrofatale. k wanted to come over again tonight, but I think I've decided I want to spend the night alone tonight. Huh? What? Wherethehelldidthatcomefrom???
And now that I'm up-to-the-minute on this thing, I'm going to go do something productive!
current mood: chipper?!?!
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, January 11th, 2005
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4:59 pm - imabigfatdork...
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Why do I get the distinct impression that I just made a major BOOB of myself.
current mood:  embarrassed
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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11:16 am - Sore as hell....
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My legs hurt from running so much Sunday morning...
And my office is upstairs.
*whine*
I am SO out of shape...
I've been threatening to join a gym again for about two years now.
I think it's about time I did.
I think by diverting the money I would normally spend on cigarettes, I can easily afford the monthly membership. I used to love working out. And the gym near my apartment has childcare available on premises.
It's time I made good on both threats.
[edit] A work-out buddy would be nice.... Any one interested?
current mood: optimistic
current music: officey noises
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(14 comments | comment on this)
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12:59 am - To paraphrase a poet...
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"I have to believe there exists...
More than one perfect match...
More than one Soul-Mate...
For every individual...
Lest I myself be condemned to Purgatory."
current mood:  quixotic (look it up)
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(comment on this)
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apathetic
STUNNED